WARNING: SPOILER ALERT!
Introduction
Forever Love follows two people’s brave pursuit of love from their campus days to their humble beginnings as they enter the workplace to chase after their dreams together. From their youth to adulthood, from school to the workplace, from a school uniform to a wedding dress, they have each other as a lifelong companion.
What does it take for a relationship to be considered healthy? In this clip, Zheng Han and his team just won a school competition. As a school celebrity, fangirls wanted to be his girlfriend. At that time, Zheng Han and Lin Xi were already in a relationship but this was kept secret due to some circumstances. They made eye contact and he asked her what to answer. She just gestured it was up to him. Instead of answering the audience, he simply put his medal on her. His answer was only for her to hear. For the audience, action spoke louder than words.
Healthy Relationship
Before exploring further into the drama, you may or may not have an idea of what it takes for a relationship (romantic or non-romantic) to be healthy. It should have characteristics for the growth and improvement of the parties involved as a group as well as individuals. There are many online sources that list different numbers of characteristics of healthy relationships. You can check out the source I am using here that concisely lists and explains ten signs of a healthy relationship and ten signs of an unhealthy relationship. For comparison, I included both signs below. Throughout the drama, I looked for the presence of healthy signs and the absence of unhealthy signs in their relationship. I identified the signs of a healthy relationship with underlined words.
| SIGNS OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP | SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP |
|---|---|
| Comfortable pace Trust Honesty Independence Respect Equality Kindness Taking responsibilities Healthy conflict Fun | Intensity Possessiveness Manipulation Isolation Sabotage Belittling Guilting Volatility Deflecting responsibility Betrayal |
The Meeting
Let me introduce who Zheng Han and Lin Xi are and how we meet them at the beginning of the story:
Jiang Zheng Han (Wang An Yu)
He is a 12th-grade transfer student. Despite being a math genius, he is not interested in attending class, studying, and being a good student. He works 2 – 3 jobs and appears to be only interested in earning money.
Xia Lin Xi (Xiang Han Zhi)
She is a model student, top of her class, and a class monitor. She comes from a well-to-do family, and her parents have high hopes that she will be admitted to the prestigious Jing Hua University.
Since Lin Xi is a class monitor, the teacher assigned her to find Zheng Han who ditches the class and collects his money to buy a school uniform. Suspicious of his claim of having no money to buy a school uniform despite working 2 to 3 jobs, she follows him everywhere. That’s how she discovers who he is and that he works to help out several people he knows.
The Friendship
To make more money, Zheng Han posed as a math major student from Jing Hua University who was then hired by Lin Xi’s mom to tutor her already-smart daughter so she could pass the university math entrance test. Zheng Han and Lin Xi ended up helping each other with subjects they were weak in, showing kindness and equality.
Through befriending the class monitor, school life didn’t automatically go smoothly for Zheng Han. When he was accused by classmates on some issues and berated by the teachers, he called it quits and went back ditching classes and being careless in studying. It took a true friend like Lin Xi, who went the extra mile to get him back on track, to be responsible to himself and to the people who have hopes for him (kindness and honesty).
Some issues in Zheng Han’s life caused him to leave the school abruptly. He did not reveal the issues to Lin Xi, nor did he contact her. His disappearance affected her negatively. Later, he was accepted at the university by exception when he won a programming contest. At the freshman welcoming event, he made a speech honoring Lin Xi’s role in changing him for the better (respect). But Lin Xi was not impressed. She questioned their relationship: (merely) classmates, or (truly) friends? Since the latter was his answer, then why he didn’t tell her what happened or contact her? She questioned his trust and honesty in their friendship, which is important to maintain a healthy relationship.
In the dialogue, Zheng Han asked “May I chase you?” My first thought was that it was mistranslated and it was supposed to be: “Can we date?” or “Can I become your boyfriend?”, but it is the right translation that also differentiates between dating and courtship in China, as I will explain to you below. Notice that Zheng Han also politely asked Lin Xi if he could chase her. Of all the romantic dramas I have watched, this is the first time a guy asks a girl permission to chase her. This is a sign of a healthy relationship (respect). Usually, one party chases the other party (male chases female first or female chases male first) without any consent.
The Courtship
So now we have come to the next level of Zheng Han and Lin Xi’s relationship which is atypical to the usual college romance: the courtship or courting period. Wow, for some readers that sounds like coming from an ancient time, right? I did some cultural research about dating in China, and I found out that courtship is a very important process even in modern romance over there. In the courtship period, there is a chasing process. The Chinese character for “to chase” is 追 (zhuí) which describes the action of pursuing someone (source). In the dialogue, Zheng Han used the same “chase” (追).
Comfortable Pace versus Intensity
What Zheng Han had done so far was considered a contradiction from a comfortable pace called intensity, which is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. In intensity, Zheng Han expresses his feelings with over-the-top behavior that overwhelms her. Lucky for Zheng Han, Lin Xi didn’t end up hating or avoiding him as some people do with their suitors. She was still willing to meet Zheng Han to clarify things he did (honesty, healthy conflict, and taking responsibility), and still cared about his well-being as a friend (kindness).
Once Zheng Han understood that Lin Xi likes freedom and does things she loves (which excluded getting a boyfriend), he gave her time and space to make her choice (comfortable pace, respect, trust, and independence). When she hesitated to join the school varsity club since he was also a member, he told her not to give up what she liked because of him. As the club was preparing teams for a school competition, Lin Xi was afraid that she would drag down any team she joined. She shared her worries with Zheng Han (honesty), and he believed that she would work hard for anything she loved to do (trust). Realizing that Zheng Han was genuinely supportive, she joined his team.
The Romance
Their romance started after the school competition was over. Unfortunately, they couldn’t make it public yet (comfortable pace) since Lin Xi’s parents might find out from her cousin who is also a Jing Hua student. Her parents, especially her mom, dislike Zheng Han due to the math tutor’s impostor case. Unlike other romantic dramas that pull jealousy and misunderstanding between couples, this drama does not implement those overly used tropes. On the contrary, it seems the couple’s twists and turns of romance are purposely created against those tropes:
Healthy Relationship Avoid Jealousy/Misunderstanding
There was an incident when Lin Xi and a senior girl fell into the sea. Zheng Han saved the senior girl first as she was next to him and was drowning. He then explained to Lin Xi to avoid any misunderstanding that may happen (respect). She understood his decision to save the girl first (trust). When praised that his girlfriend is reasonable, she replied as long as he knows it. I believe she was asking for the same level of trust from him. She trusts him that anything he does won’t ruin their relationship, and vice versa (trust, equality, and respect).
Several occurrences could cause one party to be jealous. Both Zheng Han and Lin Xi had people who liked them. When his former neighbor confessed to him, Zheng Han firmly told her that Lin Xi was his girlfriend (respect). However, Lin Xi was hesitant to reject a guy who knew her parents. Although Zheng Han did not tell her what to do (trust and independence), he clearly showed her that he was disappointed with her indecisiveness (healthy conflict and honesty). Careful of his feelings (respect), she then revealed to that guy that she was dating Zheng Han and only regarded him as her ‘brother’. By telling the ‘brother’, Lin Xi was at a huge risk that he would tell her parents. But she valued Zheng Han’s feelings and didn’t want her indecisiveness to put a strain on their relationship (respect, and taking responsibility).
Individuality and Freedom in Healthy Relationships
Two important points I noticed in their romance that are highly encouraged are individuality and freedom. In an unhealthy relationship, one party can be a total control freak who speaks and acts for the other party without consent (manipulation). The other party loses his/her individuality and characteristics. Or one party wants the other only for him/herself rather than letting the person be with friends and family (isolation). In this drama, when either Zheng Han or Lin Xi faced personal issues, they still managed to keep their personalities and gave some space to the other party to tend to their own business (trust, independence, and respect), and asked each other for help when needed.
This scene symbolizes the difference between healthy versus unhealthy relationships. Before this happened, Lin Xi was waiting for Zheng Han in the rain, and her ‘brother’ came and wanted to give her a ride in his car. Since she is already in a relationship with Zheng Han, automatically she refuses his offer to avoid Zheng Han getting jealous or misunderstanding (respect). Her ‘brother’ tried to persuade and pull her into his car (signs of manipulation and volatility). He also said things to her (and later to Zheng Han) that were considered guilting and belittling. The guys were ready to fight, but Lin Xi broke their argument by telling her ‘brother’ to respect her decision and pulled Zheng Han away. His death glare is epic!!!
The Commitment
In this commitment stage, the couple no longer dealt with school projects and jealous people but with bigger issues: family, finance, sex, and work/business. We will see how their healthy relationship can deal with all these problems!
Family Issues
Once Zheng Han and Lin Xi were committed, eventually they had to face the main obstacle that had been looming over their relationship: the family disapproval issue. It mainly came from Lin Xi’s mom who hated Zheng Han due to his post impostor issue and being poor, and Mom preferred ‘the brother’ instead. During winter break, Lin Xi confronted this issue by declaring in front of the families that she preferred independence and that her relationship with the ‘brother’ was only as friends and no more.
Sexual Issues
Although sexual intimacy is not an issue in this drama, I include the above clip as an example of a healthy relationship. In this scene, Zheng Han was so grateful Lin Xi rented him an apartment and even got the place ready for him. An IOU agreement is not enough, he was about to give himself to her and desired her to do the same. Although she didn’t refuse, she was not ready. He could tell from her anxious facial expression, so he didn’t continue (comfortable pace, respect, and equality). It cracked me up that the drama gives the ‘take a cold shower’ expression literal meaning (though it was translated as ‘cold bath’, lol).
Financial Issues
This drama defies the old rich man/poor woman trope. Lin Xi helped Zheng Han with some financial issues, even though he never asked for help. She paid for his uniform when she learned he gave his money to people in need. She bought him a new laptop with her scholarship money when she knew from his professor that his old laptop couldn’t keep up with fast coding jobs. In the final year, she rented him an apartment close to his internship job. Since he couldn’t refuse her money, he gave her a romantically written IOU agreement (respect, equality, and taking responsibility). When Lin Xi’s mom blocked her credit card, Zheng Han gave her his pay card to be used when she needed it (trust, equality, and kindness).
Work/Business Issues
By the final year, Zheng Han got an internship job and Lin Xi was his motivation to work hard. There was a major issue during his internship in which he was accused of hacking the company’s secret. Though Lin Xi, his friends, professors, and boss stood by him, the issue dragged out and got everyone worried. However, Lin Xi stood by him and had faith that he was not guilty, and eventually, his name would be cleared, which it was. The problem strengthened their bond, they shared each other’s burdens (trust, and equality).
After graduation, Zheng Han started a software company and their friends were on board supporting and helping him, including Lin Xi (kindness). They faced fund problems along with sabotage attempts from a business rival. The sabotage attempt was resolved but as expected, more investment money was needed. Lin Xi then agreed with her Mom to lend her money to help Zheng Han, and Mom asked her to go abroad for postgraduate study. Their two-year separation and long-distance relationship were their last test. Their healthy relationship that was built and maintained since the beginning helped them through it, especially trust, honesty, respect, and independence. Below is the fruit of their labor of healthy love:
Conclusion
Through watching Forever Love and exploring the healthy relationship theme in it, with the ending of this article I concluded three things:
- Any healthy relationship (romantic or non-romantic) is long-lasting. We can see it in the couple’s seven years of relationship. Also, their healthy friendship with high school and college friends gained them long-term bonds. Practically all their friends work and invest in the company Zheng Han created.
- To go against unhealthy relationships, you have to stand up against them (for example Lin Xi with her mom and her ‘brother’, other couples’ and friends’ unhealthy relationships).
- By surrounding yourself with people with healthy relationships, you can face every obstacle in life, either big or small, as a group or as an individual.
Credits: Stills are from official posters. Gif animations are self-made shots from the official Tencent YouTube channel.
The original article was published on March 22, 2021. Link HERE.
